Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
