just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
