Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
