And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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