Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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