my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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