You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize