and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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