Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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