She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
