Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
