I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
