My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Who died my cat blue again?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
