It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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