Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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