honey bunches of taint.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
