I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
