please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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