you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
