She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
