Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
