im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i think my tv is drunk
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
