She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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