I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
