: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
