He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
