Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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