i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
