Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
