I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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