I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
