FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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