I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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