At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
