he puts the penis in happiness.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
