"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
