Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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