My liver just broke up with me...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
