So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
