Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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