Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
