just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
