Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
