i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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