Who did Billy Mays play for?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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