Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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