hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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