At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
