so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
