you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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