Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
