She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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