She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
