I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
