Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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