11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
