Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
