wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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