If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
