i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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