but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize