One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
