Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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