so that wasnt chicken after all
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
