This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
