I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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