I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
