Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
