I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
