I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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