Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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